I Think It's Going To Be A Long Long Time

The man awoke with a start. He could have fooled himself into thinking he had opened his eyes. All around him was black, the darkness was so complete he could not even see his hand approach his face as he ran it through the thick beard he had been cultivating the last six months. He really should shave but the simple daily task had become such a procedure out here that he could no longer be bothered. He had decided he would continue to grow it until he got back home.

He reached for the clip that connected to his sleeping bag to the hull situated just behind his neck. With a soft click the plastic clip released and the strap came away. Normally he would unzip the bag get dressed and begin the days routine. For the past few weeks this had not been the case. Instead he doubled over and reached for the second and then the third clip at his feet and they to came free. Pushing off against the wall he had been attached to his cocooned body drifted across the small distance towards the control station and he began to cycle up the ships power for the day.

Routine was apparently meant to keep you sane out here. For the past fourteen days he had wondered at this. He thought he could feel his mind slipping. His sleeping patterns had become strange and irregular. This line of thought bought to his attention that his morning alarm had not gone off. What had woken him? Had it been another of those dreams in which he was suddenly out side the protective walls of the ship, suffocating in the blackness of space? Or had the disturbance be an external one coming from outside of himself?

Looking around at the instruments he could see no warning lights registering any problems on the small displays. The absence of an external issue did little to calm him. His thoughts slowly returned to his internal struggles. Loneliness. It had been six months since he had touched another human being or heard some ones voice minus the heavy static that peppered his communications with earth. I miss the earth... I miss my wife! She was at the forefront of his mind most days. Recently though, just like his little vessel his mind had drifted away from her.

His mind had instead turned to strange things. It would dive into the depths of random topics and not resurface for days at a time. Usually the subject was darkness that surrounded him, no wonder a mind could get lost for days, it was seemingly endless. How could he not think about it when it encompassed him utterly. No wonder people go mad out here.

With the dark on his mind he floated to the forward window, peering out into the void he could see the red planet. It seemed to have grown whilst he was asleep but he doubted wether he would have noticed it after only a few hours more travel. The dusty red ball he was heading to had come to represent many things inside his head. It was his destination, his goal and thus his life for the next few years. It was also the object responsible for pulling him away from his wife and home. His thoughts had turned on the planet this last week. He now felt nothing but hate for it. He hated that damn window. Like a picture of some ghastly red bubble that kept growing out of the wall, threatening to engulf him. 

He turned making is way down the length of the ship, drifting weightlessly, he came to the window where he did most his days thinking. He pulled the neck of his sleeping bag tight around his shoulders to keep the cold at bay and gazed out the rear window. The ships engines blocked his view of the earth but the darkness as always was as always there to greet him.

After the view from the front of the craft it was a welcome sight. With out realising it this new series of morning events had become a new routine. A ritual of sorts replacing his actual duties. He would float there most of his waking hours peering out into space. The dark of the vacuum had become is solace, a place he could retreat into to escape his tiresome journey. He shunned the light of the red planet.

Looking out into the dark his eyes seemed to draw out and away from himself far beyond his window past the local planets of his solar system and way out amongst the stars. Tiny pin pricks in the veil of black velvet. He had heard them describe this way once before and had thought it poetic at the time.  Now the description seemed wholly inadequate. Pin pricks implied something could actually pierce the darkness permanently. He had come to realise this was not true at all.

He had heard it said that the universe was always carefully balanced between the good and evil, light and dark. But out here looking upon the stars by himself he had come to understand the truth. Darkness was the true nature of the universe it was the way things were when things were at a their natural state of rest. Light was a rare commodity. Stars where born and for a short time they managed to keep back the black tide but eventually their light went out or they ended up becoming an even more potent form of the darkness not even allowing other light to escape.

Darkness always out lasted the light. It would wait long enough to consume or until it corrupted the light and it turned into a consuming darkness. A metaphor he found himself applying to all things including life back on earth. His consciousness would return to him from out in the vast reaches of space each day and bring with it a piece of the puzzle, slowly forming the picture of his new realisation. Each piece crystallising his new position on the order of things.

Piggy backed amongst his thoughts each time was a little of that consuming dark. Slowly it would ebb away at his spirit putting out his own light. It was inevitable. Eventually he to would be swallowed by the tide and no longer be able to keep it at bay.

He come back to himself. Making his way back to the consoles in the forward compartment. He found the shut down command for the ships computers. The screens the only things still giving off light in the dim interior. It had been days since he last booted up the ships lights. He punched in the override code and the panels and displays went dead. With all illumination gone he noticed the faint red light coming in through the window near by. Unzipping a small pouch on the wall above he pulled out a small tube of adhesive and found several sheets of note paper.

Smearing the glue on the reinforced glass that housed the grotesque image of the growing red planet he plastered sheet after sheet of paper until the red glow was no more. By feel alone he made his way back, in the now pitch black cabin, to the clips mounted on the wall. Attaching all three he settled inside his sleeping bag. The cold began to condense, biting at his face. Things were returning to normal, to there natural state.

Unsure of whether he had closed his eyes or not his mind wandered off again out into the star fields. Dreams and reality merging underneath the blanket of darkness.